If it was meant to be
by RoryReneeMercedees
Summary: What if? What if Jess followed Rory? What if he didn't leave? What if, he fixed everything. It's a complicated mess, Jess and Rory. But they'll get through. They always do. JessXRory


**AN: Ok, just a little holiday present. Just a little one-shot I've been toying with. Jess and Rory- Duh!**

It was that morning when I knew. I knew that he was leaving. We were sitting on the bus. It was obvious enough. I saw his back and I knew him all to well. He was heading for the hills. Cutting town. I sighed and fought back tears. After what had happened in Kyle's room, I couldn't help but believing that my mom was right. Maybe he was a player... But I couldn't believe it. For whatever reason, I wouldn't- no couldn't believe that that's why Jess liked me. He didn't want _it._ He wanted me. Or that's what I wanted to believe anyway.

This strange thought came into my head right before I said something to him. I had no idea what it would be or why I would say it but I had a feeling it might have been a plea for him to stay.

Just then I remembered this poster in my Lit room. It had a famous saying on it. If you love it set it free it will come back if it was meant to be. I silenced myself. I refrained from giving him one last kiss or demanding and explanation. I didn't beg for him to stay nor did I try anything to make him. I was under the belief that he would return.

Before parting, I asked him if he would call me. He said he would- no he promised he would. I knew that I shouldn't believe him and I didn't. I knew all to well. When he left he would be gone for a long time before I heard from him.

I walked away and even though I knew I was doing something that could be considered out of love, it was very hard. I was fighting back tears big time. I wanted chocolate and comfort food. I wanted to wallow- even though I it was a thing I hated. I wanted Jess and happier times. But as for right then, I would not be given any of those things. Instead I had a hard day at school.

Soon my mother was telling me that Jess was gone and he wasn't worth it. I was receiving my chocolate. I had every chance to wallow but I didn't. Instead I buried myself in work and school and books. I knew my mother saw right through it but no one else did. Soon, she too, began to believe that I was ok and that I was only just improving my already wonderful work in school.

Many months past. In that time I graduated, in which I did receive a call from Jess as promised. Although usually when someone calls you they actually speak but then again its Jess, you never know what to expect. I also went to Europe with my mom and started college. Europe was fun and full of great adventures. We got everyone a gift, well except for Luke and Kirk whom we forgot. I purposely avoided thinking about Luke because thoughts of him lead to the diner and thought of the diner lead to a certain black hair, brown eyed, mysterious diner boy.

I half expected him to be at the diner when we returned but I knew better than that. And it was simply just wishes. I knew that he would not be there but still, very stupidly I let my hopes up. They were let down. Jess was not there. Mr. Unpredictable, for once actually did what I predicted him to do.

I was still depressed over him. I was in love with. This love was so much deeper than the one I shared with Dean, if you can call that love... I wanted him back every second of every day. I refused to think of him in attempt not to be so sad. I buried myself in so many things so there would be no time to think of him. Though, somehow my brain found a way to find time for thoughts of him. I hid my depression. I did not let anyone see how sad I truly was. I knew that it would only bring them pain. So silent was my loudest cry.

I went away to college and there I had so much work to burry myself in, it was like heaven. Or hell depending on how you looked at it, for there was no Jess. I had a dorm and to my dismay, Paris was one of my roommates. But I soon found her an excellent distraction. She brought my thoughts away from Jess.

In this time, you would think, would lesson the pain. But it did not. For it was there all the time. I had a smile so painted on so fake that sometimes I even believed it. I could not let myself love others as I had once done. I did not easily put trust in people nor did I give them the benefit of the doubt. I stayed away from guys for the most part.

Dean was an exception to this rule. I thought of it as harmless; he had a wife and would never hurt me. I soon knew that I would have to end our friendship because he was less then indifferent, he was in love. And I knew not if it was for his wife or for me. But I did not, when I had the perfect opportunity, tell him to stay away. I don't know why. Perhaps, it was because I wanted to be loved again, I do not know.

But I had no interests in Dean and no intentions of anything more than friendship. I had other guy friends, such as Marty, who I found also was not indifferent but again I cherished the opportunity of feeling loved. It was selfish, cold-hearted, and wrong, I know but I was this way from a broken heart and perhaps this was helping it heal.

I went out on a couple of dates. I knew they were fruitless but I also knew that my mother would be suspicious if I didn't. I rejected the guy at first but then I reconsidered, so to speak. It was a boring date. The guy was so predictable, had no sense of wit or intelligence, and lacked any sign of Jess. I knew it was wrong to judge a person like this but I was a love and he was not the guy I was in love with. I also knew it was wrong to compare him with a guy who had treated me so wrong.

****

Much time passed before he returned but he did return. It was a year almost since he had left. Actually it was a little less than a year, if I am not mistaken. I saw his car and many emotions, which I had not felt in a great while, surged through me. First, love. True complete and total love. Second, Anger. I was to dull to feel anything but pain. Third, happiness. He had, after all, returned. Fourth, surprise. He had been gone for awhile. Fifth was desire. I had a yearning to be with him, to be held in his arms once again, to have kiss me, and to have him say three words in which I had longed to hear him say since the day I meet him.

My mother asked if I was alright and I fought it off with a lie. I had become so well at lying, I myself almost believed it and I was the one telling it.

We went home and slept. Well, not really. I hardly slept at all. I couldn't stop thinking of Jess. Of my mixed emotions. Of what I wanted and what I needed. I couldn't keep my mind from racing and I couldn't help but wonder if he was here for me. I mean he had returned.

The next day, I saw him in the coffee shop. I did not go to Luke's, in attempt to avoid him for I did not know what I was going to do just yet. But he, in attempt to avoid me most likely, did not go to Luke's and we ran into each other. He said he was leaving and took off.

It hurt a great that there were no apologies or pathetic I love you's. I sighed and watched him leave. All my thought were on only on him. I can not tell you what else happened that day unless he was there.

I ran into him again. This time it was at the book store. I should have known, really. But maybe that's why I did go into the book store. Maybe I wanted a stolen glimpse of him. Maybe I wanted to hear him say he was sorry or something like that but for whatever reason, I showed up at the bookstore.

He left then, too. It tore my heart to pieces. I did not know that it could be torn into anymore pieces but there was Jess Marino doing it all to easily. I watched him sadly walk out again. This time, instead of hoping to see him, I hoped he would leave. He was only causing me unnecessary pain. I grew resentful to him or at least I told myself that's what I was feeling. I thought out of sight out of mind. Even though it had failed me once already.

When it came time for the carnival, I knew he would be leaving. I dreaded it. I feared it. I loved it. I wished for it. I hated it. I wanted it. I needed it. I did not need it. I did not want it. I was all to confused to form any rational thoughts.

He ran into me again. This time, I decided that I was going to be the one to leave first. I was being childish and my antics were beyond belief but, as said before, I could not form rational thoughts.

He started chasing me. Typical, he only wanted what he couldn't have. But, for once I was glad he couldn't have me. He was yelling to me and pleading for me to stop. Eventually I did. I rambled and ranted and raved. I told him my thoughts and how I wanted to see what he would have to say. Although it was in a very mean, sarcastic, angry way.

He told me the words that I wanted to hear. Those words I had been practically dying to hear.

"I love you." He said.

I stared at him in disbelief for a couple of seconds before throwing myself at him and attacking his lips. He complied but after awhile pulled back.

What a sight we must have been. What gossip we must have started but I was too high on cloud nine to notice.

We stared at each other for a while before he dared speak something.

"I wasn't expecting that." He stated quite simply.

"Why?" I asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be mad? At least scream. Tell me I'm not good enough. If you knew what was good for you, you would tell me to leave you well enough alone."

"It's too late, I am in too deep," I said. "Besides who said you weren't going to have to work to get your spot as boyfriend back."

"It's still open to me?" He asked incredulous.

"Yes. Well, under a couple conditions."

"What are these conditions?" he asked.

"Well, first you go back to school." He attempted to interrupt but I silenced him. "You will live somewhere nearby, you will feed me all the junk food and coffee that my heart desires, who will be civil with my mother and that includes giving her as much junk food and coffee as she wishes no matter what Luke says, and you will tell me that you love me at least three times a day."

"Now those are some interesting conditions."

"Well you were gone for quite some time and it gave me loads of time to think of them. You can take them or leave them, the choice is yours. I will not alter them nor agree to change any of them especially not the last one."

"I liked the last one. And I only said the conditions were interesting, I never once said that I wouldn't listen to them. I will gladly listen to them."

"Thank you."

"Just one question, made you so nice about my return especially since I was so cold to you?" he asked.

"If you love it set it free, it will come back to you if it was meant to be."

And at that he captured my lips once more. I knew the true meaning of bliss.


End file.
